Detour ahead (I can't stay on topic)

I'm pretty disgusting to be around in the morning, and none of it's really my fault.
I woke up this morning with sore feet and tight calf muscles from my evening roller skating with Tracy last night. I think she was trying to get me to consider becoming a Betty, but I think she's over that idea now. She is a pretty decent skater, but we both paled in comparison to the "skate crue" in Skagit county (did I just sense your redneck radar tune in?). There was the 8 year old boy with the feathered-dye job hair wearing a spandex unitard who also played air guitar while skating (some people are just born that talented); the middle-aged men there with their families, but skated together most of the evening with their hands in their pockets; there was a mama-mullet sighting complete with mama-jeans (the two almost touched each other her pants were so high and her mullet so long); and then there was the king of the skate deck: a young man who had finally matured enough to grow his first full beard (don't hate, he kept it trimmed up), wore a "Tapout" baseball hat that he would occasionally tuck into his back pocket where it complemented his grey wife-beater and green studded belt perfectly. But that boy could skate. He was even break-skating. He was impressive to watch, especially as I rolled precariously along, occasionally slamming into the carpeted wall, or involuntarily flinging all my limbs into the air trying to recover my balance (and would often tweak my back into a spasm as I did so).
But, I did have a couple of good laps, and I feel like I could have actually gotten some real exercise if I could just stay in motion (and I wore better socks).

Where was I? Oh yeah, how gross I am to be around in the morning. So I've got the sore body which makes me hobble around the house like a crotchety old man, I've got ass-breath from wearing my new retainers (seriously, I funk myself out), then right behind retainer-breath is coffee-breath, mixed in with some serious bed-head (if you knew how much hair I have...) Oh! I almost forgot about the mucus! With spring in full swing, the pollen count makes me wake up and blow my nose before I can breathe properly, then my eyes cant' focus for at least an hour because they are so nasty from allergies... good times around here.