Hard to admit

I found a quote that pretty much sums up why I love to do races:
The difference between a goal and a dream is a deadline. -Steve Smith
If I leave it up to me, I'll probably never find the time to do it. But if I have a date in the future that I need to be prepared for, I'll work towards it.

I was struggling with all the positive affirmations people were showering on me recently. Calling me inspirational 'n stuff. I don't get it. I mean I'm thrilled that people can look at me and say to themselves "if she can do it, I can do it" because I know it's possible for them too. And if seeing me and knowing my story helps them believe it to be true for them too, then fine, I'm an inspiration.

When we ran the Bellingham 1/2 marathon there was a man that was not "built like a runner" not unlike myself or Michael. Now Michael is athletically gifted and driven and has the ability to run a 2 hour 1/2 marathon. I, however, am not so gifted and every mile is a slow struggle for me. But it's OK, because I'm proud that I'm out there doing it, and I cross the same finish line as those who can run it in half the time. But this man was kind of "hanging" with us. Then he told Michael that he wouldn't be where he was if it wasn't for us. We were his inspiration. He was clinging to us as his own drive to finish, and finish stronger than he ever had before. We high fived each other and cheered each other to the finish line. And although it wasn't a PR for me (and poor Mike yo-yo'ed back and forth running ahead then coming back for me) we helped someone PR that day. And that's good enough for me.

Now... I also have been bad about running lately. I just lost my mojo. But I have been attending group exercise classes several times a week. And they're fun and I'm making friends or at least feeling like I'm a member of my new community. One of the classes is called 'Cycle-Yo!" and it's 30 minutes of spin class and 30 minutes of yoga. I am by far the heaviest member of all the classes, but it never really interfered with my workout until Friday. We were in a particular yoga pose (I usually do the basics only due to my lack of balance) but this position I found that I was flexible enough to try for a more advanced pose. Except I couldn't get my leg to stay in place to complete the pose... because my fat middle wouldn't let me bend any further. So every time I tried to bend more, my leg would squish out of position and the instructor would look at me with disappointment (because I know she is obsessed with form over whether or not one can do the most advanced pose) and so I had to tell her "I'm too fat to do the pose." Then I tried to not cry for the rest of class. Even Savasana sucked, and it's usually the whole reason I even do yoga.

So... I'm going to fix it. After the Halloween sugar cookies are gone :)