June 10, 2001

I didn't realize what day it was but was aware that I seemed very "unaware" of my life. I showed up late to work and missed a meeting that I was supposed to lead. My daughter was late to camp. I got a jog in this morning, but it seemed really labored.

Then at work it came time that I needed to date something. I was aware that today is the 10 year anniversary of the Pipeline explosion and the death of 3 young people. But it wasn't until I wrote the date down did I realize that it's been 8 years since I lost my dad.

It was the quickest, dirtiest, fight I've ever fought. I truly feel like I lost that battle right along side my dad. It changed who I am, and I had to reacquaint myself with me once I began healing. I think I am a better, stronger, more grateful person because of my dad's fight. But there is also a permanent hole in my soul that is luckily lined with love and memories of him. I had the best relationship with him that I had ever had the last year of his life. I hate you, Cancer.

I also just got my anniversary letter in the mail from the Bone Marrow Program. I had to travel to Everett where they were having a Pow-Wow (Native celebration) to get signed up to be a donor. I took a friend from Costco, a developmentally disabled man by the name of James, I call him Jim. He signed up with me. We are forever bonded in our commitment to help others conquer blood cancer. Jim is a good man.