2008
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Last night Brady came out and quietly crawled onto my lap and snuggled with me under the afghan. Soon he was asleep, and he had both of his hands over his head, just like he used to sleep as an infant. So I sat there, enchanted by him with a few tears slowly falling.
This is the boy who made me a mother.
We have quite a dynamic going on. We are both the 'older' sibling, so there is this innate clash of the titans with us. And he is stubborn like all Borton's are, so we've got that to fight about too. And it seems like just my presence sometimes causes his blood pressure to rise for no apparent reason. Like today.
The kids had their dental checkups today. I went in first with Natalie and helped hold her down while they counted and inspected her teeth (big crocodile tears that escalated into her screaming, with tools and fingers in her mouth, "Let Me Go!" as she bucked and twisted. No control issues for her either, right?)
As I was finishing up with her, I saw Brady being led to another exam room. When I got to him, he was laying in the exam chair (that's a first) and was preparing to let the tech clean his teeth (another first). But then he saw me. And then he wanted to hold my hand which turned into tears and grasping desperately to me. So I suggested that I step out of the room, promised Brady I would be back, and when I returned a few minutes later, he was halfway through the cleaning. He was laying quietly, but you could see this made him quite anxious (his expression before I left about broke my heart). But he cooperated like a champ and walked out of his first full cleaning/exam. Without me.
But then there is they boy who just comes to nuzzle in and snuggle, or get a few extra hugs. Or holds my hand when we walk around together. He makes my heart expand with joy, pride and love. He makes my blood boil with frustration and anger. But he's never a disappointment. And I'll love him till the end of time.
Oh, and another pondery. The last couple of times that I've had to haul him somewhere (he fell asleep on my bed last week, and last night in my arms), he says "I can't, I can't mom" when I stir him a bit in his sleep. It breaks my heart. What troubles him so and fills him with self-doubt in his dreams? Can't I waive a magic wand and wish his struggles away?
{12.24.12}
11 years ago
6 comments:
I feel the same way about Sam - he's the child that made me a mother and introduced more love to me than I ever dreamed of. Maybe it's a mother/son thing, or just a firstborn thing, but there's just something special there.
Very sweet post, Heather. I'm feelin' the love. :)
When I started viewing this post, I was thinking, oh look at the difference in Brady between this year and that year. Then I started to read. Now, I am crying. You are an amazing mother! You spend a lot of really good quality time with your children, both of them. I see that in your posts by what you write and the photographs that show it.
It is unfortunate that we, as mothers, can't take all the pain and sadness away from our children. Witnessing it I think is part of the VERY difficult job of parenting.
back to my initial thoughts...... look at the difference between 2005 and 2006. He grew up that year.
What a handsome happy little fella you have there. Get as many snuggles as you can.....before you know it those moments will be less and less frequent.
Oh Heather, you captured it so well. I have tears myself just reading your words. Our little boys, soon to be our little men. I to wish we could take their bad dreams away. Griffin often wakes screaming and I am helpless in helping ease his fear.
Christian says strange things in his sleep when I have to stir him too. I would bet he's just saying "I can't get up, I can't walk Mom" Are you nearing the end of your sleeping boy carrying days too, like me? I don't know how many more trips up the stairs with a 4ft long sack of potatoes I'm gonna make without conking him on the railing or dropping him :)
Love the photos! Great collection together.
I just want to squeeze his cheeks in the 2005 picture!
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